Miss You Much

When you walked away, I stared twice at your back where your shadow had dropped into my heart at that moment...

I wish there was a camera to capture on...Just to remember what is the last scene of us...

I wish that you could turn and have a look at me once more, before you go...

I wish so much to chase you back after you've walked away, but I knew there was no choice for me, you still have to go in the end... That's the cruelty of the reality...

Later on, I've chosen to proceed to the place where I belong to, without looking back at you again...

I kept my sadness then...
Remained in my heart...

The distance had made me breathless yet missing each part of our time when you are not here with me... It had seriously drove me crazy in this night...

I miss the time when your cares are always there for me every time I need them,
I miss the time when we are staring each other without any replacements,
I miss the words when you whispered to me,
I miss your shoulder where I wish to cry on once I feel lonely,
I miss your embrace where I miss you so much that you can't ever imagine...
At last, I've forced to wait for you again...
see you

A lonely night

It's a lonely night...
I wish to see a falling star infront of my eyes, but I couldn't see it at all...
I wish there was an angel who tell me that she can accompany me for the whole night, but I still couldn't find anyone of the angels through out the night...
Seem helpless...
Once I close my eyes, I dream of everything that I wish not to happen in my real life...
At this moment,
I miss my home a lot... I miss my family and my sisters....
I miss those time when I can't sleep, there is someone who accompany me...
In Uni life,
I miss that time when I was crying, and there is someone who immediately put away the work, and accompany me for a night walk...to console me...
It's memorable...but
I do not hope it will happen again, let the memories remain at the same place...and I will just walk away from there...
In this midnight, I think a lot... Suddenly every problem that I'm facing now just pop-out from my mind...good and bad
Where I can't control myself anymore and I cry in this silence of the midnight... I cry as much as I can...seems crying out all the problems and sweep them away by my fingers...
In our life, we just can't choose a path as what we like... even It's difficult to choose between two paths... Once you stepped wrongly, there is no way for you to return and start it all over again...there is no way...no choice...

It's almost 4 morning...
and it's cold outside...
I just can't sleep, just simply don't know why...
Is there anyone else besides me?

No Need

Where ever you go, where ever you step, there is no need for you to look back...

Just simply because I've tear off the old calenders, where I have found my happiness in my new calenders...

I've left all Hurts and Desperation behind...

Even lucks are not always with me, but, at least, there are no memories anymore...

There are no more lies and secrets which you have hided them well before...

So.....

No need to worry about me,
coz I don't need them

No need to pray for me,
coz I can pray for myself

No need to say hi to me,
coz I've given away to others

No need to say bye to me,
coz there is not even a hi

No need to praise me,
coz it doesn't mean anything to me

No need to wish me,
coz there are still lots of wishes from others

No need to care about me,
coz there is no cares from you, for me, since the beginning...


What I know is that I will appreciate what I have now, even in the future...

Hope this will not bring any disappointments to me...

Live as happy as you can,
Live as strong as you can,
If you can...

Remember, without a relationship, doesn't mean you have nothing...

Get well soon...

Calling for us after the closing door of surgery theater

Praying for you deep inside our heart

Seeing your pale face after the sound of operations

Hoping you aren't feel too painful...



Fruits and flowers all around you

Wishes from relatives and colleagues

Unfortunately, you cant take it until doctor's permissions

Starving for nearly two days...



Laying on the bed all the while without moving

Seeing nurses walking back and forth for injections

Vomited once having water

Calling me for help throughout the night...



Can't even sleep the whole night cause by the serious pain

Looks weaker and weaker without energy

I wonder how suffer you are

You sure miss the time when you were at home...



Where you woke up early to prepare breakfast for sis

Where you called home to check whether I'm still sleeping

Where you scolded me for not doing housework

Where you can sleep well at home...



Things never going to be the same till you recovered

Hand phone rang continuously,fetching wishes to you from further distance

Your sounds seem silent in the mist

Home never complete without your appearance...



Wish somehow our wishes make you calm

Waiting for you to step into house again

This post is sent to cheer you up

Hope to see your smiles sooner...

Thanks to all relatives, dear Pris, Angeline, my boy friend, Kinta Saujana's colleagues and all my friends for your cares, visits and wishes...Thank you very much...

Get Well Soon~

<3

My Love

Suddenly,I think of updating my blog related to what I love so much since primary school, which is BALLET~









I still remember that the first time my parents brought me to DANCE CENTER,which is my ballet learning studio, the principle of Dance Center, Miss Chin Sun Sun taught me and a few of the new learners about "pointe and flat toes" ... We was holding each others' hand and formed a big circle...Than we were asked to sat down and pointe our toes... Songs being played by a young, handsome pianist " good toes, good toes, naughty toes ~~ "

These are good toes ^^ and bad toes are the other way round

Next, it was a "skip and change" exercise... we have divided into 4 groups which are pink, blue, white and yellow, according to our height... Of course I'm the pink girl..lolx
We skipped and galloped following the rhythm of the music, around the dance path... I was really tired that day and kept on yawning while dancing with all my little friends till being caught by my parents who were sitting in front of the dance room watching at me... oops...

I enjoyed ballet dancing since that first trial in the age of seven... I remembered that my parents asked whether I like to continue learning ballet in Dance Center...I just nodded my head and said "yes" to my parents...

Since the nod, i had the golden opportunity to learn my ballet till the age of nineteen... The ballet fees were quite expensive because it increased once you were in a higher lever... I was successfully attend all my ballet exams for every grades till I got my Grade 8 award from Royal Academy of Dance, London...

Grade8 Certificate which I able to get from the internet ^^

Every month, my parents have to pay my ballet fees till Grade8 (rm16o) wow... Besides, I have to buy my classical ballet shoes and character shoes (black), 60 something for each one of them...after my Grade8, I joined pointe class which needed rm123 for my pointe shoes... I need pink, dark blue and light blue ballet leotard, tights, ballet skirt and also character skirts O.O When coming to ballet exams, the fees were almost rm200 something...

I think I had about 9-10 pairs of ballet shoes that I have given to other small kids since I can't wear them anymore...haha..

Really thanks to my parents for their financial and mentally support for my ballet... It cost more than my UTAR fees and accommodation fees...I can't imagine that...lolx

Light Blue leotard (Grade 6, intermediate, Grade 7 & 8)

Dark Blue leotard (Grade3 to Grade 5)

Pink leotard (primary to Grade2)

Tights

Tights were fit on legs

Character skirt (different studio will have different color stripes)

Character shoes which had a low heel underneath
(required 2 heels to click together to make clicking sounds)

Classical ballet skirt

Classical ballet shoes

my beloved Pointe shoes ^^

Story Hidden Behind~~

In around Grade3, my family was facing serious financial problems and my parents were quarreled because of that... They work very hard to pay for our living expenses... Because of that quarrel and the financial problems, my daddy was too angry and too stress of it, and end up he had stopped my ballet class... I was so sad but I got no choice...But, the kind and my beloved principle, Miss Chin had some discussions with my daddy and decided to offer me about half of my ballet fees for each month for temporary... I was so lucky to have her to help us and so, I have the chance again to continue with my ballet after 1 or 2 months later...

Then, I continue learning my ballet til Grade 6 and I was intended to stop learning it... I was stress preparing for my PMR exams and a large pile of my school work, yet I had to learn my Grade6 for 2 years only I can have my Grade6 exam... That time was quite sien for me waiting for 2 years... I started to get lazy and was always absence for my ballet classes...When I went back to Dance Center, I can't follow what teacher had taught because I had missed too much of my lessons for a few months... Yet, I just ran away from the reality and kept on absent for my class...Ballet teachers were wondering whether I wanna continue learning ballet or just stop half way.... Yea, I had just stopped learning ballet...I had given up so easily...But, after my parents, best friend's and my relatives' advice and support, I decided to get up and stepped back into Dance Center once again!! I wanna get a Grade8 award so that I am qualified to be a ballet teacher in the future...May I can work as a part time ballet teacher i mean...haha


I love ballet... I love dancing... I just love it ~!!!

I still remember that when I was practising my ballet in front of my principle, she will keep on repeat " Khai Ning!! just express what ever inside your mind, smiles from your heart within and just enjoyed dancing as you are in a dance stage where there were many audiences are looking on you and they are ready to give you a big applause after your performance... Khai Ning, please, please them... "

Another teacher, Miss Yap opined that " Khai Ning, although you are not tall enough like other ballerinas, I know you can dance well using your own style... Don't be shy to smile and express your feelings...keep it up and come for more practise.... It will help you a lot !!"

ha... I still remember what they have left for me.... THANKS Miss Chin, Miss Yap and Miss tan !!! I will take them as a guide =)

When I'm dancing ballet, I am really concentrate on it.... enjoying the music... I let the musics lead my next ballet step...
I will forget all the unhappiness and just enjoyed dancing around the dance room, even on the stage...
Ballet is my LIFE, my SOUL ~
I will never lose it in my life !!!
^^

REAL THANKS to

my parents and sisters
my best friend that I ever had - Siau Tean
my relatives
Miss Chin - the principle of Dance Center
Miss Yap - ballet assistant
Miss Tan - ballet assistant