No One

I just hope that someone could really understand my feelings, but seems no one could...

In our life, some might laugh and make jokes at you when you are getting into troubles, but some might stand beside you to give fully support to you no matter what had happened to you..

that's life.
it's the reality.
sad of it.

We really have to cherish when one's treat us with his or her sincere heart without any reasons or hoping for returns from you...

just to express my feelings here...
wish all my lovely friends could live happily and stay strong in life~!!

Miss You Much

When you walked away, I stared twice at your back where your shadow had dropped into my heart at that moment...

I wish there was a camera to capture on...Just to remember what is the last scene of us...

I wish that you could turn and have a look at me once more, before you go...

I wish so much to chase you back after you've walked away, but I knew there was no choice for me, you still have to go in the end... That's the cruelty of the reality...

Later on, I've chosen to proceed to the place where I belong to, without looking back at you again...

I kept my sadness then...
Remained in my heart...

The distance had made me breathless yet missing each part of our time when you are not here with me... It had seriously drove me crazy in this night...

I miss the time when your cares are always there for me every time I need them,
I miss the time when we are staring each other without any replacements,
I miss the words when you whispered to me,
I miss your shoulder where I wish to cry on once I feel lonely,
I miss your embrace where I miss you so much that you can't ever imagine...
At last, I've forced to wait for you again...
see you

A lonely night

It's a lonely night...
I wish to see a falling star infront of my eyes, but I couldn't see it at all...
I wish there was an angel who tell me that she can accompany me for the whole night, but I still couldn't find anyone of the angels through out the night...
Seem helpless...
Once I close my eyes, I dream of everything that I wish not to happen in my real life...
At this moment,
I miss my home a lot... I miss my family and my sisters....
I miss those time when I can't sleep, there is someone who accompany me...
In Uni life,
I miss that time when I was crying, and there is someone who immediately put away the work, and accompany me for a night walk...to console me...
It's memorable...but
I do not hope it will happen again, let the memories remain at the same place...and I will just walk away from there...
In this midnight, I think a lot... Suddenly every problem that I'm facing now just pop-out from my mind...good and bad
Where I can't control myself anymore and I cry in this silence of the midnight... I cry as much as I can...seems crying out all the problems and sweep them away by my fingers...
In our life, we just can't choose a path as what we like... even It's difficult to choose between two paths... Once you stepped wrongly, there is no way for you to return and start it all over again...there is no way...no choice...

It's almost 4 morning...
and it's cold outside...
I just can't sleep, just simply don't know why...
Is there anyone else besides me?

No Need

Where ever you go, where ever you step, there is no need for you to look back...

Just simply because I've tear off the old calenders, where I have found my happiness in my new calenders...

I've left all Hurts and Desperation behind...

Even lucks are not always with me, but, at least, there are no memories anymore...

There are no more lies and secrets which you have hided them well before...

So.....

No need to worry about me,
coz I don't need them

No need to pray for me,
coz I can pray for myself

No need to say hi to me,
coz I've given away to others

No need to say bye to me,
coz there is not even a hi

No need to praise me,
coz it doesn't mean anything to me

No need to wish me,
coz there are still lots of wishes from others

No need to care about me,
coz there is no cares from you, for me, since the beginning...


What I know is that I will appreciate what I have now, even in the future...

Hope this will not bring any disappointments to me...

Live as happy as you can,
Live as strong as you can,
If you can...

Remember, without a relationship, doesn't mean you have nothing...

Get well soon...

Calling for us after the closing door of surgery theater

Praying for you deep inside our heart

Seeing your pale face after the sound of operations

Hoping you aren't feel too painful...



Fruits and flowers all around you

Wishes from relatives and colleagues

Unfortunately, you cant take it until doctor's permissions

Starving for nearly two days...



Laying on the bed all the while without moving

Seeing nurses walking back and forth for injections

Vomited once having water

Calling me for help throughout the night...



Can't even sleep the whole night cause by the serious pain

Looks weaker and weaker without energy

I wonder how suffer you are

You sure miss the time when you were at home...



Where you woke up early to prepare breakfast for sis

Where you called home to check whether I'm still sleeping

Where you scolded me for not doing housework

Where you can sleep well at home...



Things never going to be the same till you recovered

Hand phone rang continuously,fetching wishes to you from further distance

Your sounds seem silent in the mist

Home never complete without your appearance...



Wish somehow our wishes make you calm

Waiting for you to step into house again

This post is sent to cheer you up

Hope to see your smiles sooner...

Thanks to all relatives, dear Pris, Angeline, my boy friend, Kinta Saujana's colleagues and all my friends for your cares, visits and wishes...Thank you very much...

Get Well Soon~

<3

My Love

Suddenly,I think of updating my blog related to what I love so much since primary school, which is BALLET~









I still remember that the first time my parents brought me to DANCE CENTER,which is my ballet learning studio, the principle of Dance Center, Miss Chin Sun Sun taught me and a few of the new learners about "pointe and flat toes" ... We was holding each others' hand and formed a big circle...Than we were asked to sat down and pointe our toes... Songs being played by a young, handsome pianist " good toes, good toes, naughty toes ~~ "

These are good toes ^^ and bad toes are the other way round

Next, it was a "skip and change" exercise... we have divided into 4 groups which are pink, blue, white and yellow, according to our height... Of course I'm the pink girl..lolx
We skipped and galloped following the rhythm of the music, around the dance path... I was really tired that day and kept on yawning while dancing with all my little friends till being caught by my parents who were sitting in front of the dance room watching at me... oops...

I enjoyed ballet dancing since that first trial in the age of seven... I remembered that my parents asked whether I like to continue learning ballet in Dance Center...I just nodded my head and said "yes" to my parents...

Since the nod, i had the golden opportunity to learn my ballet till the age of nineteen... The ballet fees were quite expensive because it increased once you were in a higher lever... I was successfully attend all my ballet exams for every grades till I got my Grade 8 award from Royal Academy of Dance, London...

Grade8 Certificate which I able to get from the internet ^^

Every month, my parents have to pay my ballet fees till Grade8 (rm16o) wow... Besides, I have to buy my classical ballet shoes and character shoes (black), 60 something for each one of them...after my Grade8, I joined pointe class which needed rm123 for my pointe shoes... I need pink, dark blue and light blue ballet leotard, tights, ballet skirt and also character skirts O.O When coming to ballet exams, the fees were almost rm200 something...

I think I had about 9-10 pairs of ballet shoes that I have given to other small kids since I can't wear them anymore...haha..

Really thanks to my parents for their financial and mentally support for my ballet... It cost more than my UTAR fees and accommodation fees...I can't imagine that...lolx

Light Blue leotard (Grade 6, intermediate, Grade 7 & 8)

Dark Blue leotard (Grade3 to Grade 5)

Pink leotard (primary to Grade2)

Tights

Tights were fit on legs

Character skirt (different studio will have different color stripes)

Character shoes which had a low heel underneath
(required 2 heels to click together to make clicking sounds)

Classical ballet skirt

Classical ballet shoes

my beloved Pointe shoes ^^

Story Hidden Behind~~

In around Grade3, my family was facing serious financial problems and my parents were quarreled because of that... They work very hard to pay for our living expenses... Because of that quarrel and the financial problems, my daddy was too angry and too stress of it, and end up he had stopped my ballet class... I was so sad but I got no choice...But, the kind and my beloved principle, Miss Chin had some discussions with my daddy and decided to offer me about half of my ballet fees for each month for temporary... I was so lucky to have her to help us and so, I have the chance again to continue with my ballet after 1 or 2 months later...

Then, I continue learning my ballet til Grade 6 and I was intended to stop learning it... I was stress preparing for my PMR exams and a large pile of my school work, yet I had to learn my Grade6 for 2 years only I can have my Grade6 exam... That time was quite sien for me waiting for 2 years... I started to get lazy and was always absence for my ballet classes...When I went back to Dance Center, I can't follow what teacher had taught because I had missed too much of my lessons for a few months... Yet, I just ran away from the reality and kept on absent for my class...Ballet teachers were wondering whether I wanna continue learning ballet or just stop half way.... Yea, I had just stopped learning ballet...I had given up so easily...But, after my parents, best friend's and my relatives' advice and support, I decided to get up and stepped back into Dance Center once again!! I wanna get a Grade8 award so that I am qualified to be a ballet teacher in the future...May I can work as a part time ballet teacher i mean...haha


I love ballet... I love dancing... I just love it ~!!!

I still remember that when I was practising my ballet in front of my principle, she will keep on repeat " Khai Ning!! just express what ever inside your mind, smiles from your heart within and just enjoyed dancing as you are in a dance stage where there were many audiences are looking on you and they are ready to give you a big applause after your performance... Khai Ning, please, please them... "

Another teacher, Miss Yap opined that " Khai Ning, although you are not tall enough like other ballerinas, I know you can dance well using your own style... Don't be shy to smile and express your feelings...keep it up and come for more practise.... It will help you a lot !!"

ha... I still remember what they have left for me.... THANKS Miss Chin, Miss Yap and Miss tan !!! I will take them as a guide =)

When I'm dancing ballet, I am really concentrate on it.... enjoying the music... I let the musics lead my next ballet step...
I will forget all the unhappiness and just enjoyed dancing around the dance room, even on the stage...
Ballet is my LIFE, my SOUL ~
I will never lose it in my life !!!
^^

REAL THANKS to

my parents and sisters
my best friend that I ever had - Siau Tean
my relatives
Miss Chin - the principle of Dance Center
Miss Yap - ballet assistant
Miss Tan - ballet assistant

BBQ at 1st Student House

== Kampar SD had sucessfully organized our BBQ celebration at the 1st Student House in Kampar ==

SGM SD members =)

Thanks to all photographers,organizers and participants~~
^^

心

终于考完试了。。
原以为会觉得很兴奋地大叫一场。。
但。。相反的，我带着沉重的心情离开考场，踏出校园。。。
考试期间一直不停地反问自己 “为何人总爱带着面具过生活”？？？ 就不可以做会真正的自己吗？？？
为什么在不同的场合里戴不同的面具？？？
原来这世界也有那么的恐怖的一面。。都是虚伪的。。。没有真诚的心。。。没有真诚的关心。。。都是敷衍的。。。
这就是现实的人生吗？？
我该相信谁好呢？？？

~曾经的你有着那么要好的朋友，如今你已选择放弃这段美好的回忆。。你从来都没有依恋着过去。。没有回头看看。。其实我们就站在你后面等着你回来。。想不到。。你却看不见我们。。忽略了我们对你的关怀与照顾。。从没珍惜你所拥有的友情。。。换来的只是一次又一次的伤害，失望，绝望。。。
朋友。。其实你好幸福。。你不懂她为你做的一切就只因为你是她要好的朋友。。。
现在。。。因为你早已不在了。。所以我也选择离开。是时候放开这一切。。。就让大家的回忆埋在心中吧。。我只能让自己尽量用平常心来看待你。。。
当你发觉我们的好意时，已来不及了，因为我们已不在了。。。
我只希望你会有自己的主见与做人的原则。。别总是爱抄袭别人的作品。。还以它为荣。。这是可耻的做法懂吗？？？试用自己的想法和创意来完成你的作品吧。。。你会体会到艺术真正的意义，感受到它纯美的一面。。。每一个作品要靠自己的努力完成，这样才会有真正的满足感。。。

~曾经的你总是在我们难过时陪伴着对方。。听你诉苦。。但你太令我失望了。。你从来不会为自己说话。。宁愿自己受委屈都不敢开口。。总爱跟随别人。。没有主张。。因为你害怕得罪人。。。害怕没有朋友。。那我呢？？你有看到我的存在吗？？难道我不是你的朋友吗？？找回你的真心吧。。真心地对待朋友。。别把他们当陪伴者，只在需要他们的时候出现。。这不是朋友的定义。。。

此刻
谢谢你
让我不断成长。。让我了解这就是生活。。
原来生活并不简单。。但却是真实的。。
愿你早日找回你的良心。。
愿幸福快乐。。

幸福的今天

今天一大早就爬起床了。。大概是七点吧
约好了朋友一起晨跑。。
昨晚还跟她睡同一张床呢。。虽然两个都睡不好。。都睡得腰酸背痛。。哈哈。。
但，却有种幸福的感觉 =）
我们还跑到附近的公园。。
一起欣赏早晨的风景。。那细绵棉的云朵仿佛在告诉我们要幸福过每一天。。。
我们还一起荡秋千。。越荡越高。。好想能够飞到蓝天的怀抱。。紧紧地抱着它。。。只要拥有它一分钟就足以让我觉得这世界还有温暖。。
今天才发觉原来生活可以很简单。。看着鱼儿无忧无虑地在池塘里游过。。抬头就看见我喜爱的蓝天与白云。。在空中自由自在飞翔的小鸟。。自然而然地，露出了发自内心的笑容。。这就是我一直在寻找的笑容。。我找到了~~
就单单一个晨跑和一个温馨的早餐就让我觉得好开心。。
原来在这虚伪的世界里还有我真诚，可以谈心的朋友。。。
原来我并不孤单。。原来我是那么地幸福。。。
真的很谢谢她一直以来的真诚陪伴。。我感觉到了。。。
在我们的交谈中，她突然然说我成长了。。
或许吧。。最近看了很多，懂得很多，失去了不少，但得来的更多。。。
原来只要以平常心看待事情。。看待人类。。你就会觉得每件事物都可以很简单。。很纯真。。
这是一位朋友告诉过我的。。。是真的哦。。。
早餐后，一路走回宿舍的路途中，我们俩唱着歌~~哼着歌~~~
歌曲包括 《爱因为在心中》，《私奔到月球》，《Baby,对不起》，《大城小爱》，《知足》。。。
很有感触的歌曲。。。
今天真的好开心啊~ 嘻嘻。。。
愿大家开开心心，充实地过每一天。。。
要加油~！！
=）

以下是《爱因为在心中》的歌词。。好喜欢~

当我睁开双眼每一天
都会记得大家的笑脸
明白心中勇敢又多了一点

曾经哭泣也会看不见
未来总会有别的喜悦
就让时间翻开崭新的一页
你的音符你的脸
有种无声的语言
教我不退缩要坚持著信念
用音符画一个圈
经过都会被纪念
我想爱永远会留在你心间
每个人都拥有一个梦
即使彼此不相同
能够与你分享
无论失败成功都会感动
爱因为在心中
平凡而不平庸
世界就像迷宫
却又让我们此刻相逢our home
伤心时你会给我笑脸
让我感受友爱的原点
快乐地过有风有雨的岁月
失望和伤心在所难免
都会经历漫长的严寒
让这一切在我们心中沉淀
用旋律写张信签
放入你的心褃面
手牵手记录我们爱的和弦
用音符画一个圈
经过都会被纪念
我想爱永远会留在你心间
~~~~~


找回真正的内心吧。。。 =）

breathless

Yesterday I dreamed of my good friend again...
In the dream, we are still very good in our friendship...
went to have lunch after school...
thinking which places that we can hang around for long time....
skipping class for no reasons...
seeing her smile everytime....

But... once I woke up, It seems to be so unreal...
It's not in reality...
It's only a dream...
A dream that will not come true again....

I go back to bed after this...
When I woke up the second time,
I can't breath properly...
don't know what is happening to me...
I just can't breath well...
can't breath like normal...

I am alone in my house...
facing the air...
facing the dream alone...
there is no one around me...
I feel very lonely...
Hoping my family members coming back soon...in the evening...
I scared to be alone sometimes...
what a lonely day.....

breathless.................................

Miss Independent !!

There are lots of things which badly influenced my mood this few days...
Where is Tan Khai Ning that I used to be last time???
I just can't find her back...
I'm suffering... and I need some time to be alone...
Just leave me alone will do...
Thanks for my housemates and my dear Pris who shared my unhappiness with me...
I just have to get some rest before I continue with my work...
May be I should take it easily... I should not think too much...
"太在乎别人了往往会伤害自己"I found this from Julz's blog...
It's true...
After all, I WANNA BE A MISS INDEPENDENT !!!
I know I can do it !!!
Tan Khai Ning will be back soon...
Just wait for her...

现实

现实总是残酷的。。。

It's really hard to meet TRUE FRIENDS

True friends

Will always be there with you when you need them...

Won't run away if you've got nothing anymore...

Wipe away your tears with a lovely smile...

Serve as a mirror when you have lost yourself...

Even cried with you when you're feeling down...

Create unforgettable memories that they purposely done...

Hold your hands tight before you drop...

Giving you a warm hug shows you that at least they are with you...

Share your smiles and tears throughout the years...

Never feel tired of your innocent...

See you in heart but not on your face...

Try hard to console you even they don't know what else can do...

So, appreciate every friends who are with you now...

Someday, you'll know how important are they to you...

Appreciate them before you lost their love and care...

It's just a PAST for you???

You'll never know how upset am I after you left me...
You suddenly called me out for some matter...
I was really scared to see you... I'm seriously scared of your expression, your voice, even your face...
I'm scared that you'll say something that really hurts me again...
We are really good friends since secondary school...
Even a few people asked me whether you are in love with me or why I care so much about you...
I admit that I really care too much about you... Sometimes, I think that I've think too much coz of you...
Others won't know how good we used to be except us... But now, you seems don't care about our friendship anymore...
You asked me to let it go... past just let it past... ask me not to upset, must be strong enough...
I know that I have to... But it's pretty not easy...
May be I'm not a good friend... I seldom contact you yet didn't know what's happening to you throughout this few years...
I was not there with you when you're sad... and didn't share your happiness with you...
May be you have had a really good friend beside you, who can go through everything together with you when I'm not there with you...
Sometimes, I'm just jealous of your friendship with her...
By the way, I still believe that you call me out is for a good reason, although I know that you wont be friends with me anymore...
But, please....don't disappoint me... I'll feel desperate after all...
Will it be our last meet???

When You're Gone

I always needed time on my own,
I never thought I'd, need you there when I cry...
And the days feel like years when I'm alone,
And the bed where you lied, Is made up on your side...

When you walk away,
I count the steps that you take,
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you...
When you're gone,
The face I came to know is missing too...
When you're gone,
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day...
And make it OK...
I miss you.....!!

I've never felt this way before,
Everything that I do,
Reminds me of you...
And the clothes you left,
They lie on the floor,
And they smell just like you,
I love the things that you do!

When you walk away,
I count the steps that you take,
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you...!
When you're gone,
The face I came to know is missing too...!
And when you're gone,
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day...
And make it OK...
I miss you.....!!

We were made for each other,
Out here forever,
I know we were, Yeah Yeah!
All I ever wanted was for you to know,
Everything I do I give my heart and soul,
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me... Yeah!

When you're gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you!
When you're gone,
The face I came to know is missing too!
When you're gone,
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day...
And make it OK...

I miss you.....

Av3

Just came back from old town... AV3 gang went there for ice kacang...We chit chat and have funny jokes!! Long time didn't have a nice chat with them already.. haha.. I'm happy to be with all of them... Really thank them for helping me lots no matter in assignments or my private matters... We went to Taiping zoo last Saturday and Sunday... Although the weather was not welcoming us, but still enjoyed going to visit with them... love you guys!! =)

just feel like wanna write this in my blog..
have a nice day!!
^^

Uni killers T.T

Assignments really killing me...!!! I have lots of assignments need to be done in few weeks time yet I'm still wasting my time for other silly stuff... There is 1 illustrator individual assign and 2 photoshop individual assign which is under Multimedia Tools for AV are waiting for me...

Besides, there is conceptual design assign which is the typography individual assign and we are required to create a band of our group members to design a CD cover...Our 1st idea was being banned by lecture and our group have to think of another group name,concept and the design of the CD cover... We have just get our 2nd idea done, I hope It would be fine and won't banned by lecture again...

For Copywriting subject, we have to advertise TESCO!!! It's not easy to think of the ads, billboard and TV commercial... Our group has gone to TESCO Kampar,TESCO Ipoh and Giant Ipoh for survey but we find out nothing much about it...All the answers given by the customers were the same as what we have known...TESCO ads are really bad as the lecturer said... So, what we need to do is to change customers' perception on TESCO!!! and to create a good ad for it... Really headache...

For the coming weeks, there are still more and more assignments given by lecturers... I'm wondering what's the Japanese assignment that we have to do...

I'm gonna faint coz of all those assignments...!!!

Please!!! It's time to calm myself down and to start my assignment now!!!!! Don't waste time anymore!!! I must get over it !!!

GAMBATEH for myself !!!!!!

MISS

When I'm happy and feel joy, my sister will share my happy stories with me...

When I'm feeling down, she's always my patient listener, even she's busy with her things and I'm long winded, she won't neglect me...

When I'm sad and I cried, my parents will be the first who come to me... to console and to give advice to me...or even bring me out to have a walk by car so that I will feel better...

When I feel disappointed on something that happened in my life, they will cheer me up, telling me that it's just part of my life, there is still a long long way to go...

When I'm sick or not feeling well, they will call me to make sure that I'm fine in hostel...

Whenever I face any problems, they will always stand beside me to support me, to make me feel that there is still someone who cares about me when I'm alone...

My family is so important to me... even I make them angry, at last, they will still forgive me... just because I'm their daughter...

i miss my home so much, wish to go back to see them immediately...

and I love my family just simply because they are my loved ones...

再见了

真想不到这六年的感情，就在今年结束了。。
我不想再执著我们这段友谊，但却又放不下你,因为你已住进我心里。。
你是我这一生最要好的朋友 。。
我们经过了这么多的风风雨雨，许多我俩的回忆，不管是美好或伤心的，我都会记得。。。
我们曾经深深伤害了对方，是因为太在乎了。。
有时不是对方不重视你，而是你太在乎对方了。。
同样的，我并不是对你毫不在乎，而是你太在乎小事了。。。
最近我都在忙学业，少联络你，你一定觉得我把你给忘了。。。
我不懂要怎样再次挽回，因为我知道你已为我们的友谊画上句号了。。
你曾经说过你以平常心看待我，现在呢？？在街上遇到我时，是否不再跟我打个招呼，转头就走？？
我看见你的postout了，你说“不要只在你伤心的时候找我...以为可耻的 自私是分享...以分享掩饰炫耀的借口.. .遐想里的希望都被你埋没了...是你送我 搭上离开的烈车...再见了...心中的好朋友”
我懂你是写给我看的。。
老公，你突然又再次离开了我，在我生命中再次没有你的日子会是怎样的呢？？？我不敢去想，我选择逃避，虽然知道我逃不过。。
如果伤害了你，我只能在这说对不起。。
你是不可能看到我的blog的。。只想说出我的心声。。。
我会把你收在心里。。
我会尝试习惯你的不存在。。尝试不再执著。。。
我不想让你走，很伤心，很难过。。。
但我哭不出。。。
也许离开对我俩都好。。。
只有祝福你。。。

Is that wrong???

Recently,you make me feel that everything I did was wrong...
Everytime when I make my decision, I was thinking of you...
I will ask you whether I should do this or that, that's my respect for you...
Always trying hard to find out what is in your mind and whether your opinions are totally different from me or not...
I always thinking of what is call right and wrong in my life...
I have my own opinions and decisions, do I???
I remember that one of my uncles smiled to me and told me that "It's a learning process...It's time for you to learn it...I experienced it before...It's not easy, but you must learn it...That's nothing called right or wrong"...
I will take this as a guidance...thanks a lot, uncle...
I hope to go back to hostel now... I miss my kampar life where I have my own right to choose what I like and don't...